avis de fleurs
by urban.bisous
Summary: But you can't because he makes you weak to the knees and you're scared because he's too interesting and you're too boring and his smile lights up the room while yours falls back to the shadows. It was moments like this that you wished you weren't such a wallflower, but sadly you're Lily Evans and there's no way that someone like James Potter would want to you. LJ


**Been obsessing about James and Lily. Only the idea is mine, enjoy! **

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**avis de fleurs**

I. friday heartbreaks

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You experience your first heartbreak on a Friday afternoon.

You're in your second year, and it's time for you to buckle down. This isn't like first year, the classes are harder and it's up to you to maintain a high GPA. While Hogwarts is magical and everything you ever dreamed of, it's expensive and so you pride yourself on being one of the lucky few with a scholarship. Therefore, you work ten times as hard to maintain your GPA along with your scholarship.

You're in the library right now with a Transfiguration book propped open in front of you. It's hard to memorize these spells, you think, and quickly decide that this will be your toughest subject.

You're in the mist of re-reading the lesson from yesterday when Marlene comes spiraling in, half-screaming, "Lily! Lily! Lily!"

Madame Pince shushes her rather harshly and only then does she sit down on the chair across from you. You look up from your book and take in the sheer happiness radiating off your best friend. Her hair is a blonde mess and her face is flushed red, and she looks absolutely beautiful.

"Hold on, love" she says, fanning herself with her manicured hands. "lemme just cool down a bit."

You start to get excited because anything that makes your friend happy, in turn makes you happy (you're just that type of person). You gently close the textbook in front of you, mindfully aware of the size and how loud of a sound it can make, and turn your attention to Marlene. This looked to be a long conversation. "Alright, out with it."

"Okay!" Marlene beams. "So I was walking down the hallways and Potter was harassing a group of upperclassmen, asking if they wanna meet up in a broom-closet later on. I know, how classy huh? Yuck. Anyways they were eating out the palms of his hand! And I was like no way, I am not gonna let him embarrass the Gryffindor name with a couple of random hookups. I mean, they were _fourth years_ Lily, and he's a second year— it's all just _so wrong._

"And so I approached him and we got in a bit of a tousle, because he kept accusing me of being jealous. As if," she looks at you for confirmation and you quickly nod, a feeling of dread washing over in the pit of your stomach. Somehow, you know how this story is going to end. "but I mean I guess I kinda was jealous, because he can't just flirt with me in Charms and ignore me in front of other girls, you know?"

_No I don't know, because you came up to him,_ you want to say. But you hold your tongue. Stop being bitter Lily, you tell yourself.

"So we kept on arguing and before I knew it, he had his lips on me Lils! James Potter was kissing me," she had bent her head down and whispered that part, looking around suspiciously to see if anyone had heard. "and of course, I pushed away. But I guess I'm rather daft at the ideals of pushing because we kept on kissing. And kissing. And kissing and it felt amazing."

"You made out with Potter?" You ask in a quiet, astonished voice. You're confused and saddened, because it did end up exactly like how you knew it would.

Marlene takes your tone in a positive light. "I know how reckless of me! And it was in public, Godric I'm absolutely embarrassed. But the things he can do with his tongue... Anyways. Afterwards, he asked me out on a date!"

Date? Date, Date. Marlene and James. Date.

Date date date.

All of a sudden, it's getting hard to breathe. Your throat is closing in and your stomach is doing flips and if you listen closely, you can hear the tiny cracks on your innocent heart. Merlin, you didn't fathom any thoughts that Marlene could possibly like James.

Marlene looks at you expectantly, waiting for her congratulations for snagging a boy who was already so popular. Come on Lily, congratulate the girl already. Just get it over with. It's easy, you stress out in your head. Does Marlene notice the internal struggles you're currently experiencing? Or are you just good at hiding? "Co...Congrats!"

That one word felt so terribly heavy. You feel yourself almost tip at the weight of it.

Marlene didn't notice. A split second later, a flurry of blonde is attacking you, as Marlene had quickly moved around the table and grabbed a hold of you, squealing in the crook of your neck. And you suddenly feel like crying, because she's so damn happy.

You want to yell at her—

Why don't you notice my feelings for him? Are you daft!? Look at me. I don't want to hear about this._ Just, look at me. Please._

She's your friend and she's about to date the guy of your dreams, and it's all so wrong wrong wrong. You should be able to stop this right? If you told Marlene that you liked James, you wouldn't doubt for a second that she would lay off. She was just that caring. Do it Lily, be selfish.

Except you can't. Because you're being irrational and selfish and in love and maybe it's a good idea that she's dating him.

And so you suck it up, and hold onto her just as tightly, whispering in her ear congratulations and you guys will look so cute together.

Suck it up Lily, you tell yourself.

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You sit next to him in Charms, the first class of the day every Wednesday and Thursday.

He's James Potter, who's dad is a famous auror and who's main source of entertainment is bullying little kids. It's ridiculous, you think. He's ridiculous.

When you learned you were assigned to sit next to Potter, you felt a feeling of dread come onto you.

He's too much attention. You want to be like a wallflower, and stay hidden, comforted by the fact that you can basically do anything because no one will notice you. Sitting next to him will give you a headache because he's much too loud and much too exciting for someone as boring as you. You brace yourself for annoying Potter because that's all he is to you— annoying.

Sitting with him is not what you expect.

He doesn't speak to you, because there's everyone else to speak to, and really why would he converse with a random girl he sits with? It doesn't bother you how he manages to approach every girl in the class and strike up a conversation, though when he is with you, he only manages a few words every couple of weeks.

He doesn't ask for extra quills or to look at your homework nor does he make fun of you. He doesn't make any contact with you at all, period.

In all honesty, you're kind of glad for it, though you half-heartedly expected something else. But then you reason why would he ever talk to you?

You think its kind of nice that he doesn't talk to you much, because it gives you all the time in the word to observe him.

Days turns to weeks and weeks turn to month, and you find yourself just spending Charms looking at him. You notice how he manages to get Os on all his test yet he spends class making paper origami. You notice how when he's thinking hard about a question the professor had proposed, his eyebrows crease up and he purses his lips in deep thought. You notice how he likes to twirl the tip of his quill in circles and stick it by his ear. You notice how when he laughs, it's almost as if he's shaking the whole room— his whole body shakes and smile is so big that you can't see his eyes anymore and his laugh is so booming.

You notice, and notice and notice for months in silence.

What turns out to be innocent observing turns out to full-blown admiration. You get confused sometimes on why you like to stare at him so much, but then you reason that it's James Potter and how can you not stare?

Then you start to get annoyed and frustrated. At yourself? Or at James? (You're not sure.)

Because why won't he talk to you? Or better yet why won't you talk to him?

He's right there and yet every day it feels as if you're pulling teeth trying to force yourself to say something to him. He's just a boy, you scream in the back of you're mind. _Say something!_

And you want so badly to open your mouth to start a conversation, to greet him at the beginning of class or even make a comment regarding the lesson. You want to hear his voice and maybe tell a joke and and have that warmth spread across your body, from just hearing his laugh, increase tenfold because you'll be the one making him laugh. But you can't because he makes you weak to the knees and you're scared because he's too interesting and you're too boring and his smile lights up the room while yours falls back to the shadows. It was moments like this that you wished you weren't such a wallflower, but sadly you're Lily Evans and there's no way that someone like James Potter would want to you.

And you think of how if he was a garden, you'd most definitely be a weed.

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**Please review!**


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